Why is loss such a permanent and painful experience for humans?
We get so attached to our loved ones, to our relationships and even to the status quo that letting go depicts nothing short of dying for us. One of the most intense psychological experiences for humans is grieving loss. Sometimes this is the loss of an actual person or thing and sometimes its is simply the loss of a potential, but regardless of the cause, grieving is agonizing.
According to the law of perpetual transmutation in physics, energy never dies it simply transforms. Meaning the experience of any emotion cannot simply cease to exist but may turn into an alternative experience. One cannot simply let go of loss as its intertwined with a “why me” component that fuels the fire of desperation. In other words, if we allow the experienced emotion to linger as is without trying to alter it, the pain will continue to cause turmoil and suffering.
Transforming this neurotic suffering into a meaningful pain allows us to view the loss in a light other than hollow grief. The process of transformation is a very individualistic path for each person. One that allows a deep reflection on our journey as well as our needs and desire. If we allow ourselves to be transformed by the experience, we will come to appreciate its guiding principle rather than viewing it as a catastrophe.
The dry branches of the tree are the first ones to break as the strong winds approach. The more flexible branches allow themselves to be transformed by the wind but remain intact in the process. They move around and sometimes even get reshaped by the strong winter winds, meanwhile holding on to the inevitable belief that spring will always come. If we can view loss as a transformation rather than an ending, we can experience a more stable process.
Loss marks the winter of our lives, sometimes feeling unboreable. The
truth about winter is that despite our experience, the sun continues to shine, even though it’s hidden behind the clouds, the sun never ceases to warm us eventually emerging in spring. If we allow the transformation of loss instead of attaching to the pain, we can witness the change of the seasons.
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