There is instinctive need to love and to be loved in humans. This desire is so dominating that we spend a significant portion of our psychological energy in searching for love, thinking of love, or mourning lack of love in our lives. Over the centuries poets have written poems inspired by love or heartbreak, empires have gone to war in its conquest, and tears have been shed over its loss. After all, one thing is inevitable, human civilization has come to be what it is because of this intense human emotion. Whether it is the love for family, career, or romantic love, this powerful charm clearly subjugates a significant portion of our everyday efforts.
All of us have experienced the wonderful nature of love in some shape or form and would probably unanimously agree that we would want more of it in our lives.
Yet most of us struggle with properly practicing this craft.
To many of us the vulnerability of love equals pain; therefore, either consciously or unconsciously we sabotage relationships that drive us to embrace this emotion.
We have come to believe that love is an enemy that we need to protect ourselves from.
Consequently, we wear emotional armor to take refuge against this shrewd enemy.
We practice this self-protection by keeping score of every good deed in our relationships, and as soon as we notice that the scale is unevenly tipped, we run away from the perceived evil bond called love. We no longer view relationships as a haven; rather we draw up prenuptial agreements and wait for the other shoe to drop. We have officially changed the culture of love to a temporary, short-lived fascination followed by failure.
It is true that love fades over time, in fact its original state of being changes and alters like any other living entity. However, done right this transformation goes from infatuation to a deep respect, from attraction to appreciation, and from lust to a mutually satisfying exchange. The trouble begins when we expect our love to stay constant amid all the changes we go through. We change our hairstyle, our taste in food and cloths, yet we expect the love we found 30 years ago to remain unchanged, and if it disappoints us, off we go to the next person. What if love is not supposed to stay constant? What if the beauty of love is rooted in its fluid state? What if love requires nurture and attention to properly mature into a deeper state of admiration?
Fostering love requires a deep level of maturity and self-awareness. It needs a willingness for “otherness,” and the ability to make room for “usness.” Love is a flow of emotions that inevitably change over time. This change can be a fascinating process if embraced rather than dismissed.
Love is simply a treasure that some of us are lucky enough to find. Like wining the lottery, it does not guarantee endless bliss, but requires effortful maintenance.
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